CHANNEL 4 seasonal programme launches are always a mix of the weird and the wonderful. Today’s autumn offering was no different.
Remotes at the ready for shows like Breaking Up With The Joneses, The Great British Fat March, House of Agoraphobics, The Madness of Boy George and Supernanny: Beyond The Naughty Step.
There must be a whole department at C4’s metal and glass HQ devoted to thinking these titles up. And then we come to new Cheshire drama Goldplated. Note, that’s not Gold Plated. I’m sure there’s a good reason for it.

AND talking of Cold Feet…
Helen Baxendale is back next month in her first lead TV role since we said a tearful goodbye to Rachel in the final series of the Manchester comedy drama.
She plays single mum Annie (left) in a 90-minute ITV1 film called The Only Boy For Me, alongside The Office and Bodies actor Patrick Baladi.
Bramhall-born Cold Feet creator Mike Bullen shocked millions when he killed Rachel off in a 2003 car crash at the end of the fifth series.
But it was the right time to say farewell to Rachel, Adam (James Nesbitt), Pete (John Thomson), Jenny (Fay Ripley), David (Robert Bathurst) and Karen (Hermione Norris).

A top ITV boss today accused the network of making mistakes over its treatment of Granada’s HQ in Manchester.
“It is clear that ITV has lost its way,” said Andy Harries, controller of drama, comedy and film for ITV Productions.
He has overseen the making of numerous award-winning Manchester shows, such as Cold Feet and The Royle Family, currently filming a one-off special for BBC1.
His recent projects include See No Evil, a factual drama about the moors murders, as well as other Manchester filmed dramas like Vincent, Donovan and the imminent return of both Robbie Coltrane in Cracker and Helen Mirren in a farewell Prime Suspect.
Now Andy has finally said in public what many have been saying in private for some time. In the wake of the departure of ITV boss Charles Allen, Mr Harries claimed some bad decisions have been made over the last few years.

SIMON Cowell was all smiles last night at The X Factor new series launch in London after finally meeting his match – an 86-year-old granny.
“I was made to feel like a three-year-old again. Very embarrassing,” he told me, when I asked him about his encounter at Salford’s Lowry Hotel with Edna Moore, from Oldham. More of which below.
Louis Walsh, who had water thrown over him last year by fellow judge Sharon Osbourne, also revealed why he felt moved to soak a female wannabe at one of the auditions
The first show in the third series – screened on ITV1 at 6.50pm this Saturday – is, as usual, brilliantly edited to within an inch of its life. It opens with the auditions earlier this year in Manchester.
Landscape gardener Tim leaves the judges speechless after his rendition of All Night Long. “It’s as bad as it can possibly get,” says Simon, who later comments: “This is the worst day I’ve ever had – ever.”
But it gets worse for one of the most powerful men in music and TV. After years of destroying dreams, Simon is at last made to say the hardest word of all – sorry.

SHARON Osbourne is going to be a busy lady over the next few months.
I’m off to a secret location tonight to talk again to Sharon, Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh ahead of the return of The X Factor this Saturday.
But Sharon has something else to worry about, as you may have seen from the TV trailers. The Sharon Osbourne Show arrives on ITV1 at 5pm on Tuesday August 29.
It’s all part of the teatime ratings battle between ITV and Channel 4, which has got increasingly bitter over the last year.
Paul O’Grady is still recovering from his heart attack in June but is expected back in the C4 5pm slot late next month.
At first, Sharon will be in direct competition with Richard & Judy as they come to the end of their current run. TV bosses are then set to run Channel 4 hit Deal Or No Deal from 5pm each weekday.
Other options include bringing Paul back sooner, if doctors give him the OK, or hiring guest hosts for his show.

THE fifth floor of ITV’s Gray’s Inn Road HQ in central London has a lofty view of the local Royal Mail sorting office.
I reckon it’ll soon be busy with letters of praise for the performance of Martin Clunes in a bittersweet new drama called Losing It.
Earlier this week I caught the lift to the fifth floor – venue for ITV board meetings – to talk to Martin about his latest project, and why he thinks the sitcom might be dead.
The first TV feature about the drama is in today’s MEN. You can also read it online here.
Doc Martin star Martin plays Phil, an advertising copywriter on the wrong side of 40 who fears for his job. Then he discovers he has testicular cancer.
Don’t let the C word put you off. As Martin, 44, says: “The drama is not maudlin or gloomy. It is filled with hope and light.”
At one time it seemed Clunes would never shake off the role of lager-swilling Gary in BBC1 sitcom Men Behaving Badly. Every year, with one eye on an easy headline, he’d be asked about a possible return. And every year he’d give a polite answer, as if he’d never heard the question before.

(Apologies – the original Movable Type layout of the below has been mashed and pics lost by the MEN’s move to WordPress)

HARD to believe, but Queen singer and legendary showman Freddie Mercury would have turned 60 next month.

To mark the date, ITV1 will screen A King Of Magic, a documentary celebrating the life of the man who helped define popular culture in the 1970s and 1980s.

It will include interviews with Mercury’s mother Jer Bulsara and sister Kashmira Cooke – and never before heard audio interviews with Freddie, who died in 1991.

ITV say that after long negotiations they have also obtained “unparalleled and exclusive access” to Freddie’s close friends, including boyfriend Jim Hutton, who I interviewed three years after Freddie’s death.

ABI Finley was in tears after winning through last night to the next round of How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?
The Prestwich student’s performance was criticised by the judges after she had sung Nobody Does It Better in the first live BBC1 show, having shone in rehearsals.
But Abi, 23, now one of nine girls hoping to land the role of Maria von Trapp in a new London Palladium production of The Sound of Music, had an explanation. She couldn’t hear the music.
“Vocally, you were so tight tonight,” said vocal coach Zoe Tyler. “Nobody does it better? Unfortunately, they do. You had some bum notes, which I was really shocked to hear, quite frankly. You’ve got to do better.”
Abi responded: “It gives me something to work towards next week, doesn’t it?”
Co-producer David Ian, who like Andrew Lloyd Webber, has put £2m into the West End musical, said: “For Abi to be in the abbey – we can’t have bum notes in the abbey.”

IF you’re wondering where Cat Deeley has got to, wonder no longer.
The former host of Manchester-based Stars In Their Eyes is presenting a second series of American TV hit So You Think You Can Dance.
Screened on the Fox network, the search for America’s No 1 dancer is now down to the last four, with a two-hour final next Wednesday night.
Some doubted the wisdom of importing an English presenter. But award-winning Brummie-born Cat has proved them wrong.
Her revealing exclusive TV interview with Kylie Minogue – shown on Sky One last month – showed just what an expert TV performer Cat is.
Even allowing for the fact that Cat and Kylie are friends, the ex-Fame Academy and CD:UK presenter ensured she obtained the answers the world had been waiting for about the Aussie singer’s cancer battle.